I wanna quit the gym. I joined there last October with the intention of finding a nice balance between cardio and yoga. I liked it because it was only $37.50 a month for all of the classes, the pool, the cardio equipment, the locker room, and child care (which I don’t need, but it’s nice that it’s there, right?).
Well, in the past year I’ve probably hit the treadmill and elliptical about 12 times combined, which I’m ashamed to admit. But there it is. I do a really good job at a lot of things in my life, but I’m pretty terrible at exercising enough. I could do yoga much more often, too, but that’s another post.
So when I joined the gym, there was a 1 hr 15 min class on Monday and Wednesday…which has slowly dwindled to a 1 hr class on Monday only. So I pay $37.50 a month for four classes and the (completely unrealized) potential of a cardio workout, which is still not a bad price, except that I’m busy (and I make excuses) and I don’t remember the last time there was a month that I made it to all four Monday classes. So really I pay $37.50 a month for 2-3 classes. And I’d still be okay with that because I like my teacher a lot, except that she and I are trained in the same format, so her classes are a lot like mine and if I’m paying $12.50-$18.75 for a class I’d like it to really blow my mind.
(Those of you who know me in real life can tell I feel guilty about all of this because I’m rambling and “talking” so quickly and justifying every other sentence I say.)
So it brings to mind the Friends episode where they all find out that Chandler belongs to the gym even though they’ve never seen him go. It goes a little like this:
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last… twelve hundred times.
Ross: So why don’t you quit?
Chandler: You don’t think I’ve tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all these phrases and peppiness to try to confuse you. And then they bring out Maria.
Ross: Who is Maria?
Chandler: Ah, Maria. You can’t say no to her. She’s like this lycra/spandex covered gym… treat.
So, Ross thinks that’s absurd and goes with him to provide moral support while Chandler quits. Chandler has to explain to the associate why it’s a good idea that he’s quitting (“I hate it here! Everything you have is very heavy!”) and Ross ends up joining the gym because they bring out Maria again.
Well, I just called my gym and asked about the terms of my membership. I found out all I have to do is quit three days before I’m billed for my next month and that’s that. No one cares if I quit or not. There’s definitely no svelt awesome man waiting to talk me out of quitting.
There’s only one hiccup with this plan: I currently have three dogs living in my house. So can I really take an online yoga class and keep them distracted enough with treats and toys so they’re not tickling me with their tongues while I’m in a headstand? Or can I have the willpower and inner meanness to make them stay in their cages an extra hour while I practice (and try to tune out the guilt-inducing whining I may hear)? I don’t know.
So my question to you guys is this: Can I quit the gym? Am I an insane, unheard of type of yogini who hates cardio and doesn’t care if I ever see another elliptical in my life? So many people I know who are serious about yoga are also serious about running, tennis, swimming, something. Not me. Am I an imposter?
I feel like if I quit the gym, I’ll have to really step it up with my yoga practice to compensate for the cardio exercise I’m missing (which I don’t do anyway). So that is almost putting too much pressure on myself.
Do any of you out there have pets? How do you practice while Fido and Mr. Kitty are around?
I obviously need help. Please do a better job for me than Ross did for Chandler.